Breaking: George Clooney Vows to Leave America Soon: “I Just Can’t Take it Anymore”

In an unexpected twist, George Clooney came out of the blue with a bombshell announcement that he’s fed up with America while he was gesturing to his perfectly chiseled hairline. Yes, folks, you have read it right, this silver fox himself is vowing to leave the country he’s grown tired of. He declared, “I just can’t take it anymore.”

And to be very honest, we can’t blame him. I mean, have you seen the state of our politics lately? It’s like a bad episode of “The Real Housewives of DC”—minus the table-flipping, because, let’s face it, our politicians are too busy flipping pancakes at the Iowa State Fair.

But I’m wondering why this Hollywood-top-class actor wants to give up the ship. Is it because he couldn’t find decent coffee? The scarcity of decent roles for aging actors like him? Nah! Well, folks, I don’t think it’s something as simple; it’s far more dark. Joe Biden has refused to hang up his boots. Oh, come on, Clooney, don’t you like him?

And he was like… What’s this Democratic Party’s obsession with fundraising? I mean, why don’t they simply have a buffet or food-sharing party?

In a recent interview, Clooney sadly expressed his thoughts: “I’m exhausted with writing checks to attend events where the only thing being served is a side of disappointment.” That’s right; it’s like they’re trying to compete with each other in a game of “Who can ask for the most money without actually doing anything?”

Clooney has tried hard since he wrote about it in The New York Times and begged President Joe Biden to step aside for the sake of this country. And let’s be honest, for the sake of our eyeballs, which have had to tolerate those cringy debate performances. Ah, you were right, Clooney; we can’t take it anymore, too!

But hey, wait… Clooney is not just abandoning Biden; he is leaving America. That’s right, folks, he’s had enough of our monkey business. And honestly, who can blame him? I mean, you know the prices of avocado toast in LA lately? It’s like they’re charging per 1.1 meeting with an Instagram influencer. And don’t even get him started on the traffic – “I’ve seen faster-moving glaciers,” he joked.

As Clooney is ready to leave America for a better and greener place, I can’t help but wonder who’s gonna be next. Do you think it can be Julia Roberts because she can’t find any decent rom-com roles? Or it might be Barack Obama because he is tired of being asked to attend every single Democratic fundraiser? Obama was like… “Can’t you guys let me enjoy my retirement in peace?” That’s really annoying.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But George, what about all the good times? The Obama fundraisers? The Julia Roberts cameos?” And to that, Clooney says, “Meh, I’ve got better things to do than attend overpriced cocktail parties with a bunch of out-of-touch elites.”

One thing’s for sure, folks: America’s lost its charm. And if we don’t shape up, we’ll be losing a lot more than just George Clooney’s perfectly coiffed hair.